- Does it add to the plot?
- Does it build the mood?
- Does it develop characters?
- Does it set the scene?
- Does it draw your readers in?
- Does it create tension?
Showing: A cold tingle ran down my back. My stomach cramped. My hands shook. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead.Telling well: I was scared shitless. If I had anything left, I would have crapped my pants right then.
- How intense does this scene need to be?
- How intense were the previous scenes?
- Would showing or telling better illustrate what I want?
- Did I start with a hook?
- Did I end with a push?
"So did you decide which way we're going, boy?" Papa asked Jhon. I looked up at Papa in astonishment. That had always been Papa's job. Why was he asking Jhon? But Papa seemed oblivious to my surprise, as though it was natural for Jhon to be in charge.
"Yes," Jhon said. "Rather than taking the main roads, we'll go on some of the country passes. It's a straighter shot, and we'll probably shave off a day or two of travel." Papa nodded approvingly.
"And we have everything we need?"
"Yes, but I will double check all the supplies just before we mount up."
Papa smiled, "Good job, son." Jhon lifted his head a little straighter, and his face broke into a wide grin.
- More character development
- You're in the story rather than in Barra's head
- You get a stronger sense of Barra's surprise when Jhon takes the leadership
- You see Jhon's pride at his father's words
- You wonder about the relationship between Jhon and Papa