I haven't been writing as much. Usually, I put up a post about every other day, but this month, I've barely put up a post each week!
I admit I'm tired. But I have also been doing some soul searching, thinking a bit about where I want to go & what I want to do next, dreaming some interesting dreams. And so I have slowed down a bit and tried to keep some balance and perspective to my life, just as I've been writing about recently.
My kids have been missing me, and I've been trying to give them what they need. I can't walk through the kitchen without my littlest one Kaylee leaning on me. Rowena alternates between total rejection and total dependence to get my attention, and Makani, normally so free-spirited and independent, has been a bit whiny.
I spent most of last Saturday night with her; she woke up coughing and couldn't stop. Unable to give her some cough medicine because she'd already had a dose before bed, I slept with her in a chair. A juice cup was tucked by my hip, and when she coughed, I'd hand it to her. Everytime she squirmed, coughed, farted, I was awake, groggily trying to comfort her. She woke early and was ready to play while I just wanted to stumble into bed.
The week before, Makani had a fever for 3 days. That was another weekend of worry while I tried to keep her comfortable. Mostly self-sufficient, she is the one child who gets the least amount of my time. So I took her aside and read The Ordinary Princess with her. We snuggled up and read until I had no voice left. She loved the story as much as I had as a kid. What was wonderful about the book was that the princess had freckles just like she did.
And Rowena has been healthy but lonely. And so the never-ending job of being a loving parent continues, and blog posts don't get written and chores begin to slide. But I'm finding joy in my children and some long forgotten peace as I remember what it means to be a child.