Who do I want to be?
Three years ago, I embarked on a road with hopes of starting a new career. I wanted something valuable for my life. I wanted something lasting, meaningful.
To create.
To love.
To breathe.
To influence others.
Build people up.
Encourage and enlighten and inspire.
Spark imaginations.
For three years, I spent every moment studying, writing, editing, or marketing. I've become a one-dimensional character in my own life's story so that I can pour my soul into the characters I drew on paper.
I lost myself.
This year, I have often thought of quitting. Is it so wrong to work 9 to 5 and relax in the evenings?
But still, I plow forward. One foot in front of the other, dragging myself through the dry desert. The sands blow around me, through me. Burning.
If I give up now, would I ever hope again? Can someone truly be alive when they have no hope?
Loving, living, writing, art, family, friends, music, and books. Us and our small corner of the world. Because, as we all know, the world is square. For only a square world has corners.
It's a bit like a coin, one side 'purpose' the other side 'hope'. Every now and again it's good to stop flipping the coin in order to stop burnout. But what terrifies me after a holiday is facing that blank screen again wondering whether the words will come.
ReplyDeleteOh, Rita! I know just how you feel, and I've only been trying for a year!
ReplyDeleteIf it helps you any, you are certainly valued by this aspirant. You stuck with me despite all my stress and stumbling. When I was ready to quit, you kept me going.
You were part of a massive learning curve for me, and I am so, so, so incredibly grateful! I am also so, so sorry I haven't said so before. If I had, perhaps you wouldn't feel like this now.
Perhaps you should just take a break. Take some time to breathe. I have done, and I've always come back feeling purposeful once more.
Big hugs from me!
I know exactly what you're saying Rita, but like Sonia said, you've got far too much to offer to quit and you love creating as much as you love breathing. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe key is as Michael said, knowing when to stop tossing the coin. The longer I keep plugging away at my manuscripts, trying (in vain it often seems) to find an agent and then a publisher, the more tempted I get to throw in the towel. I've discovered though, on those days when I want to bang my head on the keyboard and toss every word I've ever written, I need a break. I just shut the computer down and go to something with my kids or even just watch a show I haven't seen in a while. I do not turn that computer on until the next day. If I still feel frustrated, no work that day either.
It works. By day three or four I'm itching to get back at it. You'll see. I think it's the editing. It's soul destroying.
All of your words, Renee & Sonia & Mike, have warmed my heart. Thank you for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteRita,
ReplyDeleteWhen you write, the world becomes a better place. It would be dimmer without you.
THank you for fighting the good fight and giving voice to those characters in your imagination that are crying out for life through your writing.
Rita, Hot Mama, Editor Extradorinaire!
ReplyDeleteEverything everyone as said is so true. Especially Wendy, the world would be such a sad and dark place without you and your writing!
So take Renee's advice take a days break and then on Friday or Saturday you'll have the itch to write :)