Jump through a hoop, dance on one leg, wiggle your toes, walk while balancing a bowl of water on your head--and don't spill or you are out of the game--run naked through the streets of Nome in January. It would be easier to do any of those things than to get published, I think.
I just read the Jaquelyn Wheeler blog's description of finding an agent, a highly amusing and informative read.
Like her, I chose self-publishing for this very reason, but I have since learned that it takes a team to be successful--to proofread, edit, create cover art, build websites, market a book. No one lives or dies or succeeds alone. Going the traditional route gives you an experienced team to make your dreams come true.
And sometimes experience just means stodgy.