What is your Favorite Christmas Song?

Yes, yes, I am soooo late! I should have had this up two or three days ago! Forgive me; it is the after Christmas head-mush of someone trying to get themselves back into gear.

And before you ask, head-mush is a severe medical condition caused by too much sugar, a bit of alcohol, a marvelous feast, and several days of laying around while reading books, playing video games, and watching the snow fall. Or wishing you were watching the snow fall as the rain laughs at you.

And the final contestansts are:

Parody of the Night Before Christmas by Lauren Stone
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, except Aunt Doreen, snorting coke off her dealer Mouse.
Uncle Thomas was sleeping, passed out in a haze,
while empty beer bottles flew about with malaise.
Cousin Jimmy was crying, his father was cruel,
before going to bed he smeared him with stool.
The feces and liquor permeating the air,
gave tidings of reindeer too weak to repair.
Our fathers were hunters and republicans too.
They shot that poor Rudolf, cause he was a Jew.
“Commie bastard,” they wailed into the night,
“Come here, and I’ll teach you the real meaning of fright.”
So I lie on the floor in my sack made of nylon
and pray for the morning and its sun to shine on.
My dysfunctional family all round the tree,
opening presents while grandma screams, “God dammit, I have to pee.”


Parody of Ding Dong Merrily On High by S.M. Carrière
Ding, dong merrily we're high
In our heads bells are ringing.
Ding, dong eating a whole pie
While praises we are singing.
Gloria, Marijuana in excess!

E'en so into bong we blow
Let stoner's talk be stumblin'
And "io, io, io!"
By priests and people sungen.
Gloria, Marijuana in excess!

Pray you dutifully inhale
Your morning puff, ye smokers.
May you beautifully exhale
Your evening bud, ye tokers.
Gloria, Marijuana in excess!


Parody of Deck the Halls by Andy Love
Deck the halls with bits of body,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Paint the floors with blood from Holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our can of petrol,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Throw the ancient fuel on Carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing fool before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Strike her head don‘t make a fuss.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me looking for treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
When I kill it’s such a pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away the old car passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Hail the cops, ye lads and lasses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


Sing we Phychos, all together,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
We love dead in any weather,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Parody of Joy to the World by Wendy's Children
Joy to the world,
Barney is dead
We barbecued his head!
Don't worry about the body,
we flushed it down the poddy,
And round and round it goes...
shoved it in with just our toes..
and Ro-Ound and round and round it goes!


Another Parody of Twas the Night Before Christmas by The Brit
Twas the night before Christmas when the temperature dropped, to thirty below,
and then the water stopped.

As the pipes burst below, there arose such a clatter, then the furnace blew up! Now what was the matter?

He tried to light the fireplace, but the flue had rusted in, so he banged and pounded until it swung in, raining dozens of birds nests... and an empty bottle of Gallo Cafe Zin.

In the midst of this trial the circuits arced out, just as the water heater screamed like a tea kettle spout.

Up to the roof, he shot with all speed, to confront that old fart about his joke.

Indeed, he intended to confront the old hoke, when two steps from the top, the ladder rungs broke.

He fell into his pool as the water disappeared, through a crack in the earth... could it get any more weird?

Then from down on the street he heard the laughter of the Kringle.

As his house burned to the ground, the sleigh bells did jingle.

When his brand-new ferrari drove out of sight, his iPhone beeped, and to our delight...

The text message said; You're fired you schmuck.
Your insurance's been cancelled and you're now out'a luck.


* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


Reminder of the Rules:

  1. Vote for anybody, even yourself, if you truly feel that one is the best.


  2. You can only vote once so make sure it counts.


  3. If there is a tie for 1st place, both contestants will receive the prize.


  4. Talking smack is allowed.


  5. Have fun. If you don't, you're disqualified.


Voting will last one week, closing at midnight on Thursday, January 7th, 2009.

5 comments:

  1. Lauren votes for Andy... a little gore for the holidays.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeanne votes for Wendy's kids.
    The lines scan well
    and they're funny as... heck.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have to vote for Wendy's kids as well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm for Andy... that was just too sickening not to get one!

    ReplyDelete

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