Writing Sex Scenes

Some friends came over to spend the evening playing games with us, but Kat and Mike showed up in the afternoon just to hang out and play with our kids. I was kissing TJ in the kitchen when Mike said, “Do you two need to get a room?”

“OK, be back in an hour!” I joked, grabbing TJ’s hand and pulling him toward the stairs.

“Wow, an hour. I’m impressed,” Mike said.

I turned to TJ and said under my breath, “People don’t take an hour?”

“No,” TJ said, “that’s just us.”

OK, I was so embarrassed. I didn’t dare say anything about how many times a week or anything else about our sex life because I already know we’re way above average on that.

Did you know most married couples only have sex once or twice a week? Crazy!

I’m of the opinion that the romance does NOT start in the kitchen and that sex is important to a healthy marriage. Saying “no” too much sends the message of rejection to your spouse, cuts off lines of communication, and alienates you from each other. Not to mention how grumpy both husband and wife can get when they aren’t getting any. How many fights in the kitchen could be avoided if you had more sex in the bedroom?

All right, I’m getting off my soapbox and going back to the topic at hand: writing sex scenes.

Even though I may have a very active sex life, talking casually about sex isn’t easy for me. Writing it isn’t any easier.

Lately, I’ve been reading more New Adult romance books——Cambria Hebert’s new book Tease, Airicka Phoenix’s book Octavian’s Undoing, L.P. Dover’s book Love, Lies, and Deception——all with some really hot scenes. I’ve tried my hand at writing such scenes and none of them came out right. It sounded forced and unnatural.

But the problem was in that I was trying to COPY them, and that never works as a writer … or artist or musician. You have to find your own style.

On Facebook, someone posted a quote by a famous author (I think it was Stephen King, but I’m not sure) that went something like this:

Don’t give them what they want. Give them what they need.

This statement reminded me that as a writer, I’ve got to find my own audience. These awesome authors (Cambria, Airicka, L.P.) have found their audience, and their readers love their works. And it’s so awesome to watch them succeed. I can’t wait to see what they write next!

But I want to find MY niche. I want to find MY audience. And I want to write from MY heart in MY style.

To me, that means I’ve got to give you something different. And maybe the hot sex scenes aren’t always what you need. It’s already been done. And Cambria Hebert writes Cambria Hebert books way better than I ever could. But what Cambria can’t do is write Rita & TJ Webb books!

Sex isn’t just about feeling good. It’s about being real, baring your soul, sharing yourself.

In Breaking Angelina, Angelina offers herself in partial payment to Hunter for helping her find a siren. I wrote and rewrote that scene so many times. Finally, I scrapped it and started over. Here’s a snippet from what we’ve got now, much closer to where it will be at the end:

Unbuttoning my shirt slowly, I paste one of Cyndi’s coy smiles on my face and step toward him seductively. He’s already hard beneath my hand when I grab him. It’s smooth and warm, and a little thrill runs up my arm. I wasn’t expecting to like the hardness of him.

“You’re so big.” Guys like to hear that, right? All the heroines say that in romance novels.

He grabs my wrist and, digging his fingers into my arm, yanks my hand away. “Don’t be fake. Or the deal’s off.”

“I thought this was what you wanted.”

“I want the real thing. Or I could just get any whore off the street.” He bares his teeth at me. His fingers dig deeper into my arm, and I wince.

“Okay,” I say. “You’re hurting me.”

He lets go. “Don’t toy with me.”

What do you think? Maybe not so spicy hot, but it’s real. Real to the characters and the situation. And personally, I like the rawness of Hunter’s yearning for something more than casual sex.


  1. I love it and can't wait to read it!! You did AMAZING Rita!! I have been having the same problem too and am glad I read your take on it.
    Thanks luv!

  2. I absolutely love your little story above and it makes my hopeless romantic heart swoon. Especially since you've been with your husband 13+ years and you're still happily in love! It's a sad fact that marriage can put a strain on some couples and it's crazy, especially when they're supposed to be in love *shrugs*.

    That scene is perfect and I can't wait to read Angelina's side of the story! Plus, I love that quote. I'm glad you were able to find you in your work cause I'm very excited to read it!

  3. I can't wait to finish reading the scene!!!! Thank you for this blog post <3 <3


  4. Terrific topic. I like it ..............
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