Lucky 7 Game

The Rules:

1. Go to page 77 of your current MS.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Copy down the next 7 lines/sentences, and post them as they’re written. No cheating.
4. Tag 7 other victims …er, authors.

(Shamelessy borrowed from Victoria Scott's blog...)


From Daughter of the Goddess, a novella that is only 54 pages long. Sooooooo, I'm going to page 7 rather than 77. Just to set the scene, the priestesses pushed this girl Peaches into a bathing pool filled with oil, and she is now drowning:

She no longer wants to breathe, and the water is dark as she slips into the recesses of the pool. A light in the distance and she lifts her hand toward it, a farewell gesture.

I would have been useful. I would have tried.

The light creeps closer. A woman, smiling in the midst of the light, long hair floating in the water around her, reaches out a hand. Peaches lunges toward her, desperate to touch her.

As for my pick of victims:

1. Wendy Swore
2. Renee Miller
3. S.M. Carrera
4. Heather McCubbin
5. Lani Woodland
6. Melanie Marks
7. Evan Joseph

Co-authoring

Writing a novel can be rewarding, but alone, it is hard, stressful work—all the plot threads, characters, techniques, rules, research to keep track of—round after round of edits. Imagine if you could clone yourself. Your clone will flush out your hazy ideas, break through the frustrations of writer’s block, and edit while you sleep.




Or you could find a co-author—someone who thinks and writes like you, enjoys the same books, gives you the best comments when they beta-read your work, and is as dedicated to the journey of writing as you are.



Step One – Set the Ground Rules
But writers are a sensitive bunch, and a joint project can deteriorate into chaos. To avoid destroying a friendship or the next best seller, determine your rules of operation before diving into writing:

1. Set deadlines for each phase of the project. Or agree not to have deadlines and to let the project take as long as it needs. When co-authoring with a serious writer, your writing partner may have other projects in the works. Make a pact that this be the stress-free fun project.

2. Control your source file. Sending a document through email can get confusing, and you may end up with multiple copies in varying stages of development. Decide beforehand how you will manage this.

3. Plan how to settle arguments. Mutual respect and understanding can solve many problems, but for the unsolvable, hold a coin toss or leave things unchanged until a solution can be found.

4. Agree to compromise and to have a good attitude. Remember that nobody “owns” the project.



Step Two – Brainstorming
Start a document with headers for each character, for the world building, and for the plot points. Mark your name as you leave comments to allow for conversations within the document. Pass this document back and forth until you have explored every subject and idea.



The following example describes a Lizard Man for a middle-grade novel I'm working on with Wendy Swore:

What are his special abilities?

Writer One: I imagine him to be cold blooded and able to blend in well to his surroundings. I’m not sure that he’s a chameleon so much; just that he’s so cold and mottled that no one would notice he’s a man.

Writer Two: On top of the ability to hide, he should be able to move without making a sound. Perhaps he can walk on walls and ceilings. He likely has a great deal of strength and can jump great distances.

Step Three – Plotting
Once you have flushed out the story, pull your ideas into a chapter synopsis. The following describes how two brothers will meet the Lizard Man:

Chapter One

Bullies toss Tsol’s journal over a fence and into a hedge maze. When Deen races to get it, Tsol hangs back. He does not break rules since being near-perfect seems the way to get adults to leave him alone. He is a naturally inverted kid who knows adults don’t appreciate his imaginative ideas. He prefers his books and experiments to people. But when Deen doesn’t return, Tsol must climb the fence to find his brother.

Step Four – Writing
Following this pattern, the clones can create a first draft containing both writer’s styles and ideas threaded throughout the story:

1. Writer One writes the first chapter and passes it to Writer Two.

2. Writer Two edits the first chapter, writes the second chapter, and then passes it to Writer One.

3. Writer One reviews changes to the first chapter, edits the second chapter, writes the third chapter, and passes it to Writer Two.



Step Five – Editing
“Track Changes” is your friend. You can add comments and discussions, additions and deletions until each writer is happy with every word. Keep an open mind, and don’t marry yourself to the parts you wrote. For two styles to come together, neither one can dominate.



When editing, watch for consistency errors. Writer One pictures a scene one way, but Writer Two describes a completely different room. Or Writer Two adds a side character, and Writer One drops the character from the story.



Ending Thoughts
Sometimes, in the endless turmoil of being a writer, you need a fun project. For me, this is the best way to do it. Have fun!
 
And don't forget to tell me about your co-authoring projects!

Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

I've listened to this song about a hundred times this last week. In May, I'll be dancing to this song for recital...along with one of my daughters and several other grade-school-age girls.

When I started listening, it was just a song I needed to learn, but after I've listened to these words again and again, they've taken on a much deeper meaning to me.

Any kind of artist must be willing to bear their souls...like a skyscraper ravaged by the winds, its windows torn out. You have to let go of people's opinions and be willing to pour your heart out.

No matter how the world and life and the struggle to become a successful writer tears me apart, I will not falter. I will rise up. I will keep writing and bearing my soul.

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do, and when you've listened to it one time, listen just once more.

Writer's Companion excerpt

The Writer's Companion, helpful for both beginning and experienced writers, covers the writing process from plotting and planning through writing and editing to querying and finding a publisher. I've studied many great books on writing but nothing as comprehensive as this guide.

You will reference these 600 pages of material again and again, manuscript after manuscript, long after you've made millions and topped the best seller lists. I highly recommend this book for every writer and writing hobbyist.

Renée Miller, one of the authors, shares a modified excerpt. Together, Renée and Carlos share some interesting thoughts about the future of publishing.

Enjoy!
___________________________________________________________________

Thanks for having me, Rita. I always love visiting your blog.


I considered posting an excerpt from the Writer’s Companion that discussed how to do this or that but decided that’s rather uninteresting and not very interactive. Then I recalled the Oracle. As an afterword and closing brooch for the Companion, we wanted to be reckless and play the game of prophesy.


Prophets engage in a risky business, in particular if they survive their prophecies. Most prophets we know of would have had to eat their words if they were still around, though it strikes us as crafty that most weighty prophecies entailed such a long time lapse that the prophet was safe from having to face the hordes of his peeved followers. Others—doomsday prophets in particular—weren’t so lucky and had to swallow a bitter pill (and often run for dear life) when the event didn’t pan out.


In writing the Companion, we researched the publishing industry’s history as well as recent changes. To say the foundations of what used to be are shaky would be an understatement. The question is, how will this pan out for writers? What will the new publishing model be when the dust settles? What’s the future of the publishing industry?


In our opinion, there’s a difference between a forecast that contravenes physics and scientific observation and a prediction founded on logic. Most of the conjectures in Huxley’s Brave New World and Orwell’s 1984 stem from logic. Naturally, with so many variables and unknowns, a logical prophecy doesn’t have more weight than an educated guess.


Our oracle, firmly grounded on state-of-the art resources (crystal ball, tealeaves, Ouija, I-ching and a deck of funny-looking cards), predicts that within the next ten years:


1. E-publishing will overtake traditional publishing.

2. E-publishing with reputable publishers will be as hard to access for new writers as

traditional publishing is at present times.

3. E-publishers will only accept submissions through literary agents.

4. E-books will be rated by an agency, as to their literary and editorial merits.

5. POD will shrink down to a tenth of its present size.

6. Two-thirds of traditional book retailers will have disappeared.

7. The number of readers will remain unchanged.

8. A large percentage of successful writers will issue from the East.

9. Most of the Internet free services to writers will be subscription only.

10. Traditional writers will be on the road to extinction.



We suppose that our readers might agree with some of these predictions and disagree with the rest, perhaps all. In our defense, we attempt to justify the logic behind each forecast in the Writer’s Companion. What do you think? Are we way off base? Share your predictions for the industry over the next decade. We should come back here in 2021 (as long as the doomsday prophets are wrong yet again) and see how close we all came.


I’ll be sharing the basis behind each prediction over on The Edge starting on Sunday. Come on over and share your thoughts. Yes, even if they’re negative ones.


And thank you, Rita, for allowing me to post my insanity.

___________________________________________________________________


Thank you, Renee!

Later next week, I will post a giveaway for a copy of the Writer's Companion.  So be sure to come back for more goodies.

Becoming a Writer

The road to becoming a published author was long and treacherous--writing, studying writing books, reading good books to study style, writing, more writing, publishing a non-for-profit anthologies (Unlocked & Menage a 20) with friends, more writing, studying, reading, more writing. Months marched into years of sleepless nights and dreary days.

Many times I wanted to give up, but to give up meant losing all hope. I would have to admit there was nothing more to life than rushing to a pointless job. I would remember Lelea's words in my book Tears: Always choose the path that brings hope.

That became my mantra, day after day. Ha, somewhere hidden inside me is an insane person full of wisdom, and she talks to me, telling me to keep going and never give up.



Here's the excerpt:

Closing my eyes, I pull the song closer and let it fill every cell in my being. I imagine it twirling and bouncing inside me. So loud, it drowns out everything else.

Then I draw on the device’s screen, using the attached pen.

“What is it?” he asks.

A man, a woman, two children. A dark-haired girl with freckles, a blond boy with sparkly blue eyes. I paint a picture of his future.

His fingers tap in time with the music in my head. Does he hear it too?

I stop when I see the red scar on the inside of his arm. “Your army tattoo. You burned it off. Did it feel like you tore your family out of your soul?”

Muscles in his jaw stand out. “Don’t remind me.”

“Once upon a time, a man and a woman bound themselves together for life, and they would raise their children together. Your heart remembers, and that is why you left the army.”

“What would you know about why I left the army? You had the easy life, the General’s daughter, spoiled.”

“Is that what you think?” I glance down at my own arm. I never got a tattoo, and he can’t see the thousands of cuts from surgery. My flawless skin doesn’t have a scar. He can’t see the pain inside me.

“You don’t know what it was like living in the dorms.” His shoulders slump. A dark cloud presses against him, pushing him down to the table.

“I see more than you think I do, and I know what the future holds. Please believe me.”

“Girl, you’re insane.”

“How many people believe you’re insane to leave the army and the protection of the General? You ran away. You burned your tattoo off. You decided to be free.”

He opens his mouth and then snaps it shut again.

“You chose to protect the weak,” I add.

“How did you—?”

“Maybe I’m not as insane as you think I am.” Or maybe I’m even crazier. I would like to be normal, but then I wouldn’t be here.

“So you say this is my future.”

“Yes, but Jaak, she needs your love. She holds our fates in her hands, and if she doesn’t know you will protect her and your children, she will decide to defend herself at whatever cost. I can’t help her find healing, but you can.” I grip his hand. Please. Please listen to what I tell you.

He studies the picture. The black weight on his shoulders quivers and lightens before it forms claws and digs them into his flesh. Before I can stop him, Jaak snatches the device and throws it across the room.

Red smears drip from where the black claws dig into his heart. Oh my dear friend, the abuse you endured warps your understanding.

I wrap my hands around the black blob and drag it off him. It snarls and hisses at me. Its taint snatches at my soul, but the Dragon’s fire fills my lungs. With her light, I push it back.

“He’s my friend. You can’t have him.” I squeeze it tight. With a pop, it bursts and then disappears. I shiver, suddenly cold; exhaustion makes my head spin.

Jaak staggers to the floor and passes out. Retrieving the picture, I place it in his hand.

“What happened?” He wakes and heaves himself up.

“The ship rocked. You fell over and hit your head.” Maybe I’m learning how to lie.

He glances down at the device. A smile spreads across his face. “Do you really think…?”

“It’s called hope.”

“What?”

“What you feel. It’s hope.”

“Hope?”

I nod. “Always choose the option that makes you feel like this.”

My advice to you is to always follow the path that leads to your own personal hope.

Never Edit at 3 in the Morning...

Reading what I had changed while editing, I found these words:

The stubble on his cheek contrasts with a rough scrape on my hand.

Tell me that makes sense. What on earth was I thinking? In the future, I will make sure I'm actually AWAKE when I'm writing or editing. No more 3 in the morning edit sessions. I changed it to:

The stubble on his cheek scrapes my hand.

Every adventure has a battle...

...and every battle has a way to win. You just have to find it.

We're preparing to move, and that leaves the house in chaos. My daughters are full of questions. "Will I have enough room? Can I take all my toys? Where will my bed go? Can we have a dog now? Can we have a rabbit? Can I have a desk in my room now?"

"It's very scary and exciting. It's a new adventure," I said as I tucked the last one in tonight.

"It's not an adventure. It's a new house," Makani said.

"Remember the story of The Little House on the Prairie? Leaving their home and finding a new place to live was an adventure, and there was a battle as they tried to make it in their new place."

"No, there wasn't a battle."

"Yes, there was. Remember when Ma got hurt and couldn't help Pa build the house, and Pa couldn't do it by himself? Remember the fire and how they had to fight to save their land and their home and their lives? There were lots of battles, and there was always a way to win."

That is something I've learned by reading, and it applies to real life. The last three and a half years have been a battle for me. I've written four novels and many short stories; I've studied my craft; I've practiced until my guts are strewn across the page. I have often thought of giving up, but to do so would be to give up on everything I believe in.

I believe that there comes a point in a person's life where they need to stretch their wings and fly. My story Symbiote (download for free at http://www.unlockedproject.com/) is about a cyborg slave girl who dreams of being free. Against protocol, she sneaks to the tower roof to stare at the stars, praying that someone will snatch her away from the emptiness.

Finding a good paying job with good benefits is wise.

But eventually you need to abandon safety and find out what dreams are made of.

The girl in that story is me, but like her, I have learned that freedom is an adventure with a battle. But there is a way for me to win. I just need to find the key.

Be a Ninja with Me

Last November, I participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and didn't make it to my 50K word goal. I got to 40K and felt absolutely proud of that small accomplishment. Now I have a manuscript that needs flushed out and polished.

February and March, I'll be editing my manuscript. I have a lot on my plate right now--some editing for friends, a book I'm co-authoring, a full-time job that takes up 9 to 10 hours of my day, parenting and schooling the kids--

--and to top it off, we're moving at the end of February. And we'll be losing a bedroom, a basement, and a large family room at the new place. That means cleaning, de-cluttering, and packing this month. But we'll be saving at least $600 a month on rent.

If I can do it, you can do it. If you want help and advice, come check out some goodreads groups: On Fiction Writing and Unlocking Books.

And check out the NiNoReMo Blog Hop:

the chaos of life

Make your plan.

Tweak it, flush it out, tweak some more.

Wait a week and re-read the plan to find the holes.

Finally, a month of planning and you're ready to begin writing.

A week and 15K words later, you find that you still fly by the seat of your pants. Plans can never capture every detail.

Welcome to NaNoWriMo. Welcome to life.

Group Projects, part one

No man dies to himself. No man lives to himself. Art is always influenced by others.

In the past 12 months, I have been a part of 5 different group projects--2 succeeded, 2 failed, and 1 still in progress. A lot of lessons learned came out of both the successes and the failures. When you fail, you can get up and try again. Or you can wallow in selfishness and blame everyone else.

















I am picturing scenes from one of my favorite movies: Meet the Robinsons.

In the quote below, the Bowler Hat Guy is revealing that he is Lewis's childhood roommate. This is the moment when Lewis realizes the truths taught to him by his friend Wilbur and Mildred, the orphanage caretaker.

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villians do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsiblity for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!

Two things you need for a successful group project: a good group and a good plan.

Group Qualities

#1. Shared vision.
In humility, I must say that my work is a culmination of inputs from so many outside sources: the books I read, the writers I talk to, the friends who edit for me, my life experiences. Yet I don't take input from people who don't share my vision. My husband shares my vision, and that makes him the best sounding board. He listens fully to my idea before he begins to interject ideas. He loves my characters, he enjoys my plots, and he likes my writing.

#2. Respect and trust.
For Unlocked, I worked with Wendy Swore. Prior to embarking on this project, we had been friends for quite some time before we ventured into this project together. We had swapped editing jobs for each other. We managed a goodreads group together. These little projects built understanding, respect, and trust. I knew what kind of writer and person she was.

#3. Common knowledge.
My friend and fellow author Renee Miller is an excellent resource to go to for editing. She has studied writing as extensively as I have and shares my opinions on what's the best way to do things. Sometimes she's more insightful than I am, but there is a common ground in the knowledge we share.

#4. Variant skills.
In publishing Unlocked, Wendy was handy with a camera. Jaimey was great with the turning Wendy's photos into a cover. I did the typesetting. Gwen made bookmarks. Everyone helped with the editing. So much to be done, and it never would have worked if we hadn't pulled together. No room for egos when you have a deadline!


More coming tomorrow on coming up with a plan.

Finding Obstacles in Writing

The problem about art is not finding more freedom, it's about finding obstacles.
--Richard Rogers

As a family, we are doing these drawing lessons where each lesson forces you to put a limitation on yourself to learn something new about drawing. Last week, we had to draw cats with our paper on pillows. If we were trying too hard to be perfect, we were supposed to draw left-handed. Today the lesson was to draw giraffes while looking at pictures of giraffes.

Not all that hard, huh?

Except you couldn't look at your own drawing.

After drawing, we decorated, but we actually looked at our pictures for that. Mike and TJ were good sports about the project and even gave me permission to share with you. First is from my husband TJ--The Clydesdale Giraffe; second is from our friend Mike who came over for dinner and got dragged into our project.






In writing, it is the same thing. Challenge yourself with limitations: write a love scene without cliches, describe a scene from the viewpoint of someone who has been blind from birth, experience life through the eyes of someone with autism, create dialog without tags. By doing such, you learn something new.

Over on goodreads.com, I'm a member of the group On Fiction Writing. We have monthly challenges just like this. Come check us out!

...smiling as if she were happy

I recently read a book where the author used the words "as if" an awful lot. The problem is not the words themselves, but how he used them.

"He grimaced as if he were in pain."

"He screamed as if he were angry."

"He shook as if he were scared."

"She smiled as if she were happy."

Ugh, after the fifth time in the first chapter, I rolled my eyes. I did a lot of eye rolling while reading this book.

The problem is that this author wasn't using "as if" to create a metaphor. He was using it to tell what he had just shown as if we couldn't figure out that smiling meant happiness and shaking meant fear and grimacing meant...

You get the idea. Rather silly really.

Not-So-Helpful Writing Advice

Have you ever shared your writing endeavors with someone who doesn't write? It usually ends with some ignorant advice.

"You need to read this book because
this author knows how to write."

Implication: ...and you need to learn.

For someone who refuses to read anything I write, who doesn't write himself, who hasn't studied the craft, that was some of the worst advice ever. Sure, reading is a good way to improve the quality of your writing, and I did need to grow. But that wasn't what I needed at the time.

Besides, I had no desire to read that book after that.

"You should write a children's book.
There's a lot of cute books out there."

I'm working on writing YA fantasy and science fiction. I've worked really hard on my craft and building an audience. Now is not the time to try to change my direction.

"Getting published in a free anthology
isn't going to help your writing career.
You have to get paid for your work to
be considered by a publisher."

What a way to rip a person apart.

"Your character should be more angsty."

I have two characters in this story, both characters have faced the same painful experiences. One is angsty. The other snapped and went insane. It was the insane one that they thought should be angsty, and that totally didn't fit the character or the story.



Had any experiences of busybodies telling you how to write when they know nothing about writing? Please share.

A Lesson on Imperfections

My four-year-old cut her hair. Youngest of three, she's the only one to have done this. Her sisters told her not to, but being the little firecracker she is, she didn't listen. But I couldn't really blame her--her hair was so long it went past her butt when wet. Dry it curled up to her waist. I imagine that could be quite bothersome for a preschooler always on the go.

So I put what was left of her hair in a ponytail (to be donated to Locks of Love) and snipped it off.

Which turned out to be one botched up mess. A very cute mess, at that. Somehow those mismatched lengths looked absolutely adorable. I loved it.

But then I had to go and even it up. Just a bit. A little here, a little there.

I ended up with a slightly more even but much shorter hairdo. And it just looked too stylized. Too perfect. And too short.

Sometimes we do that with writing. We try to make our latest WIP's perfect. But perfection is overrated--stale, empty, dead. Writing should teem with life, and imperfection makes stories real, giving it style and personality.

Don't get me wrong. Editing is important. We should all know how to edit and how to take harsh critiques. Half-assing a good story can ruin it.

But at some point you have to say, "Enough is enough. I'm done."

The other lesson I learned is I have no clue how to cut hair.

A Reminder of Who I Really Am

I got reprimanded at work today for going above and beyond the call of duty and being detailed, precise, and careful to do my job.

In need of reminding myself what my goals really are and where I am going, I wanted to share with you an excerpt from the novel RESURRECTION I am working on. I hope you enjoy:

She put her arms around him and pulled his head close. And kissed him. Good and hard. His body answered, heat spreading through him, waking something deep inside. Something stronger than he had ever known. Before he could respond, she pulled away. Her chin trembled. "I'm not Chester. I'm not Jadon. But I'm still a woman."

He pulled her back to him. She wore some kind of soft gown, and underneath, she was naked. Not quite sure how he knew that, but he did. His hands ran down her side. The curves of her body fit perfectly against him. He didn’t know what to do next. Desire and fear warred inside him.

"You're looking at me."

He blinked his eyes. Lelea wasn't in his arms. She stood across the room, in front of the computers, staring at him, her eyes wide, her mouth open with surprise, as if his thoughts flashed like lights above his head.

He cleared his throat. His face burned. It had all been some strange dream. A living dream. He shook his head, trying to wake up. "No, I—"

"You looked at me."

Even now he could see the shape of her breasts through the gown. Her nipples stood out—beautiful, innocent, pure, like a fresh water stream hidden in the rocks. A wild stream that no one could tame. He couldn’t breathe.

"The way a man looks at a woman."

"I'm sorry." Ahern glanced at his feet. Shame gnawed at him. He had no right to think such thoughts; Lelea wasn't even the one he wanted. Nor had he taken her into his tent, presented her to his mother to bind them.

But his mother was dead now, murdered, along with all their people. He alone survived, and he had a vow to fulfill—to kill this girl's father. He must fulfill his oath—before he could ever consider binding a mate.

"No," she said, her voice harsh.

He looked back at her, surprised.

"No. You honor me, Ahern." She had come very close. He could have touched her, pulled her close like he had dreamed. She touched his face and smiled.
This can't be real.

She took his hand and put it on her breast, as soft as he had imagined. His hand tingled; they could have melted into her skin. She turned her head towards his and met his lips with hers. Gentle. Like a soft breeze.

"This can't be real."

"What's not real?" Lelea stood on the other side of the table, holding the plug that she had pulled out of Jadon's neck. A black jumpsuit replaced the soft dress he had imagined.

So who am I? I am a writer, an author, who makes a little money testing software on the side. They don't own me.

Sometimes My Characters Talk to Me

From deep inside Chester, something bubbled up. Something she had never felt before. It was like the apple that made her mouth water for more, like flying away from Ur'dea, watching the black planet grow smaller, like gasping for a breath of fresh air on that planet with the blue sky and not choking.

Like seeing Jaak's smile and knowing he'd do anything for her.

"It's called hope," Lelea said.

"What?"

"What you feel. It's hope."

"Hope?"

Lelea nodded. "Always choose the option that makes you feel like this."

This last line has been on my mind lately. I've been making some tough choices about my career, my writing, my life, my family, and I hear Lelea whispering in my ear.

A couple weeks ago, some friends advised me to look for a publisher for one of my stories. I had planned to self-publish. But weighing my options, I realized that one road made me feel heavy, empty, and dark while the other gave me hope. My heart lifted at the thought that gave me this hope, and I knew which road was right for me.

Lelea, with her crazy eyes and her innocent smile, is my better, wiser self. Or maybe the better, wiser person I wish I was. She is certainly a great friend, helping me to find my way.

Tattletale Writing

"Show, don't tell," is the advice tossed to new writers like dirty bath towels.

In fact, when I was a new writer, I scattered that same advice to other new writers. I thought I knew what I was talking about. Boy, was I clueless.

Personally, I think the terms "show" and "tell" confuse and muddle the issue. What does it mean? How do you do it? Showing dramatizes. Telling summarizes. Showing takes me on vacation with you; I can taste it, smell it, breathe it. Telling gives me the slide show presentation; I yawn and fall asleep.

Avoid passive and weak verbs.
Verbs, such as was, were, had, would, seeemed, and appeared, clue you into your telling passages.

Example of Passive Verbs: The man was walking down the hall. Marie was hiding in the closet. She was frightened.

Example of Strong Verbs: Footsteps thudded in the hall. Shaking, Marie shrank deeper into the darkness of the closet.

What did I change? The verbs. I focused on stronger verb choices (thudded, shaking, shrank) instead of weaker, passive ones (was walking, was hiding, was frightened). To support stronger verbs, the patterns of my sentences had to also change, allowing for more fluid wording throughout the paragraph.

Sink deeper into your character.
The deeper you go into your character's point of view (POV), the more sensation your readers will feel.

Example from above: Footsteps thudded in the hall. Shaking, Marie shrank deeper into the darkness of the closet.

Example with POV sensations added: Footsteps thudded in the hall, echoing in Marie's ears like hammers striking her heart. Cold sweat dripped down her back and chilled her to the bone. Shaking, Marie shrank deeper into the darkness of the closet. She held her breath. If only he would pass her by...

I added the physical sensations and the internal dialog that went with the actions. No longer do the footsteps just thud; now they vibrate off the page.

Watch flashbacks and time speeds.
You don't want to put all of your back history in the first paragraphs. Often, it's better to intersperse flashbacks with real-time events. However, flashbacks can also be sink holes, tugging your prose down into the miry muck.

The book Princess Ben was a cute story, but I couldn't stand reading it. The entire story from beginning to end was a flashback. Nothing was told as if it was currently being experienced. There was a lot of "This had happened, and I should have done this. But I didn't, so I got in a lot of trouble."

The word "had" pulled the story out of the real-time feel and annoyed the hell out of me. Another word that does this is "would." Rather than a flashback, it's a time speed word. It's used to describe many days as one event. "When he got home from work, he would hug, then get a beer, and plop in front of the tube." It's an every day event.

Too much of either--or worse, both--and your story has problems.

Cut extraneous words.
We all have them--words or phrases we overuse or don't need. The more we have, the heavier the story. Kinda like fat. I discovered that I had a tendency to say "started" frequently. "He started to run" or "he started to say" instead of "he ran" or "he said."

Other words I overused: just, all, every, saw, looked, heard. Adverbs are especially bad. They don't often add much to the story, but they fall in so easily. Yet, without them, they make for a cleaner story.

How do learn your word weaknesses? You find quality editors, friends who also seek to be better writers, and you edit stories for others. The practice of cutting through the writing of others and of reviewing of what other people caught in your writing opens your eyes.

Tell well, advised Elizabeth Lyon in the book Manuscript Makeover.
Dramatize every stroke of a hairbrush, every butt wipe, every cloud in the sky, every step down the corridor, and you move from great to ridiculous. If the action has no relevance to the story, then summarize and move on. The trick is to tell well by adding personality and intersperse your telling with showing.

Examples:

I was scared shitless. (Telling, yes, but the short-and-to-the-point approach makes it refreshing.)

Oh, I am sooo scared. I think I'll pee my pants now. (The passage is telling, but the sarcasm adds a layer of personality to it.)

Scared, I screamed like a banshee. ("Scared" tells; "screamed" shows.)

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

How about you? Do you show or do you tell?

Share something you've written that shows or tells well.

Revolution: Five rebels vow to change the world

My focus lately has been on my writing. With the start of the new year, I find myself becoming more purposeful, more determined. I have goals this year, and there will be no more meandering through my writing. It's time to finish things up, find publishers, get readers, make my mark on the world.

Since my time is spent writing and editing, my blog will have more excerpts and discussions about what I am working on. Here's a blurb:

Jaak yearns for adventure. He dreams of traveling the stars. The world he lives in is broken — brown water, black earth, a sky so dark its inhabitants have forgotten what blue is. The trees have died; the only animals left are those that scuttle and hide in cracks.

General Forsythe grips the ruined planet in an iron fist. All who oppose him die.

Jaak and his friends steal aboard a small cruiser, only to find themselves at the mercy of their enemy's daughter. She takes them on a wild ride through the stars and dumps them on a strange planet.

This wasn't the adventure they had in mind.

It's the adventure they got.

Can they somehow survive and return to their own world to face the General?

Excerpt from my Current Story

My days have been filled with editing. Even in my dreams, I swim through the words. Sometimes they threaten to drown me, but I will conquer them yet.

Here's an excerpt from the story I'm currently working on:

"Girl, you're insane."

Lelea looked up at him as a tear fell from the corner of her eye. "If only I were."

Ahern stared at her. Her eyes were deep and sad. So deep that he couldn't stop looking into them, like those dark pools hidden in desert caves where the water went down into the deepest, darkest reaches of the earth. It was better when her eyes were wild, he decided.

"Please trust me, Ahern," she moved closer to him and put her arms around him. She was so close that he could feel the curves of her body and the softness of her breast pressed against him. "I won't lead you wrong. I promise."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and reminded himself that she was crazy. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hugging you." She smiled at him, her eyes back to childlike madness.

He pushed her away. "I don't need hugs."

"Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet."

5 Tips on Writing Blurby Blurbs

1. Don't write a summary.
Summaries are boring. Summaries don't catch your eye. Summaries don't make you take the book to the check out counter.

2. Imagine you are a news reporter.
What would your reporter see as news worthy? Murder, heroes, monsters. How would the ten o'clock news talk about such events.

3. Think about the headlines.
The headlines have to be eye catching. Pay attention to the blog titles, the magazine articles, the newspaper posts you read. Why did that headline catch your eye? What in your story deserves such a headline?

4. Practice writing headlines about mundane matters in your life.
Write a blurb, consisting of strung together headlines, about your new car, your kids, your spouse, your friends, your job, your grocery list. Hey, they make headlines for the supermarket ads!

5. Practice writing blurby reviews about the books you read.
Sometimes it is easier to see the headlines about somebody's else's work. So when you write a book review for your blog or for Goodreads, practice these blurby techniques.